As people we’re always in a hurry. Our work environments are almost designed that way – we have to move fast. And that applies to practically everything we do, including how we interact with others.
Engaging effectively could be based on the need to influence people to work with us or follow us. We might need to present a solution, encourage them to be more productive or just simply get them to listen. To achieve any of this we might need to slow things down.
This can be challenging when everything is set up to move at pace, but we face a risk of getting things wrong if we move too quickly when it comes to communicating and connecting with others.
I was coaching someone recently who had an issue with how ineffective they felt their responses were. Responding quickly and in the moment, they would say or write the wrong thing and were regularly misunderstood. It caused them to feel that they didn’t come across as knowledgeable enough or that they were not on top of the situation. Being a leader this meant feeling stress and pressure as they wanted to show up, share solutions and do this quickly. So we talked about how they might approach this slightly differently.
Instead of rushing in and feeling like the person described, perhaps it was more about better self-management and to stop beating ourselves up when we don’t respond or react quickly enough, or in the way that we think is right. We place a lot of importance on our perception of what others might be thinking of us, but we have no way of knowing this – it’s out of our control.
And it’s easy to spend a lot of time getting flustered or stressed; adding fuel to any imposter syndrome or lack of confidence we might have as we lead and aim to have the right impact or positive result in the work we do. But all this can shut us down and cause us to not show up.
From what came out of that conversation I thought I’d share a few thoughts that might be useful as we look to make an impression and lead with confidence.
Take a moment
It’s not always possible to take a decent amount of time to do this, for example taking a walk outside to give yourself time to think. It’s more about creating a little bit of space between the situation and how you’re thinking about it to gather your composure. This can be done by taking a breath or walking away from the desk for a moment. Doing this can make all the difference to how you approach the response and it will give you the time to decide on the most effective way to take things forward.
Watch out for assumptions
You might be making assumptions about someone else’s motives or intentions, or you could be judging meaning because of something they’ve said or their body language. We all react differently and that’s why being confident enough to have a conversation and ask questions can dispel the assumptions we could be making about a situation or someone we have to interact with.
Challenge
Linked to assumptions is how we might need to challenge ourselves and how we’re feeling or interpreting things or the person we’re talking to. This is so that we’re clear on the meaning and intention of the actions or behaviour we’re experiencing. None of us like to challenge others, but if approached with a bit of curiousity and an awareness that we don’t know everything about the person or situation, then challenge can be less harsh.
Style and type
Think about your style and how you need to connect and communicate. There are leadership styles and communication types to consider – like a directive style and the use of verbal communication. By understanding these and what works best for you – it becomes easier to tap into what’s needed in any given situation. This is something to consider before you’re in the middle of an interaction, but the more you observe these things about yourself the better you will become at being genuine, true to yourself and your values.
Rather than being reactive and communicating too quickly, why not slow it down just a bit to make sure you come across in the best and strongest way possible?
